Dispatch

The time an ant almost killed me

What up News Junkie. This is my rate. My blank for this week. So when I was about 15 years old, I went to Guatemala to install stoves into this poor Village. And when I was out there working, I got bit by this giant bull ant that was about the size of a quarter. I didn't think anything of it, but I started getting itchy and these kids started making a lot of fun of me. And I just thought it was because I was the, the young guy trying to do stuff. Turns out, I found a mirror. My face had blown up about 3 times in size. I looked like Will Smith from the movie Hitch, except I still stayed White. I ended up getting rushed to whatever they called. A hospital was where the lady, pulls out a syringe. And I start rolling my shirt up and she starts shaking her head. I have to take off my pants. She gives me the good old wobbly dabby right in the bum. And then I'm able to start breathing again and then they move me off of the stoves and made me the chef. And I had to kill a bunch of chickens to feed the village. Wiggle wiggle.
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